Saturday, 9 August 2014

Oh, Life.

This picture pretty much sums up what's been on with me lately.  Sitting on my couch, breastfeeding, trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my computer (like realizing my Photobooth has been open for I don't even know how long??).

In favor of being very frank, I have been rather depressed lately.  And anxious, so so so anxious about absolutely nothing.  It came on strong and unexpectedly and we are still trying to figure out what to do with it.  Everything seems much more difficult than it should be.  Everyone warned me about this possibility but I thought I was out of the woods because everything was pretty great for a long time after Clementine was born.  Then... SUDDENLY.

Let's just call it what it is, POST PARTUM DEPRESSION.  Ugh, gross, seriously.  I don't even know. Besides the uncontrollable hormones and feelings, it sucks because when I have the Sane Kirsta Hat, I say to myself "Self, everything is totally cool.  You have an amazing husband, your kid sleeps through the night, Anders is here, and ducted heating."  I think Sane Kirsta went on vacation for a while.

Here is my list of things I'm doing to get through this (could also apply to How to Survive Winter):

1.  Be honest with people and reach out.  PPD is extremely isolating, sometimes I feel like no one likes me anymore and no one gets what I'm going through.  This is simply not true.  I'm still having a hard time making friends with Moms here, but I'm working on it.  I have a handful of really excellent and supportive friends who have been amazing.

2.  Eat well.  This one's hard for me because when I'm stressed, I forget to eat.  I combat this by making sure we have a ton of food in the house and getting myself into an eating routine.

3.  Exercise.   I still had a lot of back pain after we got home from America, so I started doing Pilates a few times a week.  I do Fitness Blender videos on youtube.  They have all lengths and skill levels and a very straightforward approach that really works for me.  I find that 15-30 minutes during nap time is manageable and does wonders for my whole life.

4.  Get sunshine.  This one is the most elusive of them all because it's winter and it's almost always overcast.  I learned this while I lived in Seattle, if you see some sunshine outside, go stand in that one little sliver even if it only lasts a minute.  It feels so good and nice.

5.  Get help.  Some people might be opposed to this, but I'm seeing a new therapist and she has been mighty helpful.  Sometimes we just need to get all the crap off our chests to an objective observer.

6.  Read a book.  This is my most recent development as I seem to have forgotten how much I enjoy reading since Clem was born.  I read a lot of crap on the internet but reading a book takes focus and dedication.  If I can get through one, I will be very proud of myself!

So, here we are.  I want to close by saying that I'm a fighter, so yes this is really crappy right now, but I'm fully dedicated to getting myself through it.  I know a few other Mommas who are going through the same thing and they are fighters too.  And, you know Alec is a fighter as well.  He has been right there with me the whole time and I really wouldn't be here without his patience and love.

Oh, and look who can support herself standing up!  This little goober is worth all of it :)


  1. I think it takes a lot of courage to write about such a personal subject. I'm proud of you.

  2. Thanks, you guys are the best. I just want it to feel more normal!