Monday, 28 September 2015

Herding Cats

Thornbury on a spring morning. THE AIR SMELLS SO NICE.

Alec texted me this morning marveling that he may make two placements today, and I was so excited I had to write a post about it.  As many of you know, Alec is a technical recruiter (a nice one) and he makes commission based on how many successful placements he makes in a quarter.  He may make ten placements or two.

He spends his days talking to a million people, writing millions of emails, and taking trains all over the city.  He does not make placements every week, or sometimes every month.  I would venture to say that even though he loves his job, Alec sometimes wonders "Why am I even doing this." because it can feel like the payoffs are few and far between.  He's had a string of no-go's this month, so it was looking like he wouldn't make much commission.

And then of course he maybe, probably, has made two placements two days before the end of the quarter (because nothing he does is ever final until its actually final). 

Success does not come every day.  No one sends us a certificate with a gold star that says "Congratulations, you functioned like an adult, today you were successful!"  Sometimes we work really hard at things that don't make a lot of sense in the moment, and then in a sudden burst, we are rewarded and we see that the path made sense all along.  

Sunday, 27 September 2015


This weekend we attended a party hosted by my friend Kitty.  She throws genius theatre/dance parties where everyone dresses up based on a theme, with actors and performers and DANCING.  This Saturday night the year was 1939 and all the men were leaving for WW2.  Everyone felt so fancy, ladies in high waists, pin curls, and red lips and the men in "military" outfits (Alec will be better prepared for the next one.) It took place in an old Masonic Temple which felt like it hadn't been renovated since WW2.  It was a perfect fantasy.

I reflected with friends that as ladies in our late 20s/early 30s, we'd all have at least five babies by now.  I'm really glad I was born in 1986 and that I can make the decision on how many kids I want to have.  I'm also really glad we are safe from war.  We are so lucky.

The whole thing was so Melbourne.  I love it here.

Monday, 21 September 2015

Happy Birthday ode to Dada

You may have known, this weekend was Alec's 29th birthday. In an attempt to make him blush a little, I am going to tell you some special things about him.

The night before his bday (which was also Friday, prime sleeping time for a dude with a 9-5 weekday job), Clem woke up spewing. This time, like all the others (and we've had quite a bit of baby vom since she started daycare), he jumped out of bed and right into action.  He doesn't *exactly* elbow me out of the way with sick times, but that's pretty much what happens.  He is instantly ready to hold her when she's throwing up, put that girl in the shower, watch late night cartoons on the couch, and do it three more times throughout the night. The best I could do without getting in the way was throw all the sheets in the wash and go back to bed. 

I woke up the next morning to discover that he'd piled all the couch blankets onto Clem's bedroom floor and slept in there with her after she finally fell asleep at 3 AM.  Then he made everyone pancakes for breakfast!

Alec also does the dishes every day, or rather 60% of the time every time.  He's doing more than his fair share of house work these days, and when Anders moves back to America next month, we'll be splitting childcare 50/50. 
All this is to say that I am very proud of the Dada and partner that Alec has become.  It doesn't go unnoticed.  Happy Birthday Alec!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

Oh, and here's a bonus selfie from our short visit to the beach in Somers this weekend.  <3

Saturday, 12 September 2015

$54 day

Here I am, sitting in the shop.  It's the first weekend of the year when one could conceivably leave the house in a t-shirt. The sky is vast and blue and the air is ripe with possibilities and the smell of jasmine.  It's impossible to be in a bad mood.

Where are the customers?  Oh, they are probably milling around the park, drinking beers on picnic blankets with their friends, beaming at their partners and reveling in the sun on parts of their body that have been covered all winter long.  They are strolling down High Street, noticing things that have popped up unbeknownst to them during the winter's hibernation.

Sometimes my days of business ownership are like this.  I can't control what anyone does, but I can show up every day and consistently be my amazing self.  I will sit and people watch, I've already seen three outfits that I sold walk by the shop.  I will get a rush at 2:45 (I close at 3 on Sundays), someone will bring in a giant bag bursting with treasures to sell, or I will meet a new customer who raves about Mutual Muse and how excited she was to happen upon the store.  If I had given up earlier in the afternoon, I would miss these things.  The collection of these small wins is what builds a business.
Sundays are a bit of an enigma; sometimes they are very busy and sometimes they are very slow.  The last time I thought, maybe I'll just close the shop on Sundays (which is totally normal here), I had a record-breaking day.

Every one of my friends (and myself) are currently in transition periods. There's nothing anyone can do about it other than to hold on to your loved ones, learn what you can from your experiences, and hopefully turn the chaos into positive actions and outcomes.  Journalling is just about the only habit I've been able to maintain through the craziness of opening the shop; I reflect on what works and doesn't, how I felt, what I did about it.  I write down compliments from people I admire so I have evidence when I'm feeling down that everything really does have a forward motion.

My view from the shop:

Monday, 7 September 2015

Where I have been.

Hey, remember me?  I have a blog I haven't updated in ages.  I think about it sometimes, like oh I *should* write about something.  There are many somethings these days!

You may have heard, I started a store called Mutual Muse.  I don't know what I was thinking with this business starting, I have never been a person who thought I could do something like that.  But I DID, and it's amazing.  The door to the roof of my mind has been shoved open and now there is a whole great world of sky and clouds and beautiful colourful birds existing over what I thought was possible.

I think I need to talk about this business having and what that's like as a person with social anxiety.  I have never shied away from admitting that I am someone who likes to live inside my head and that sometimes this can be a difficult thing to deal with.  I find myself feeling so FULL of emotions these days that my insides feel like they are vibrating with the possibilities of everything I can accomplish.

I have always wanted to be a person who was normal.  I don't even know what "normal" means, maybe a woman who can be satisfied staying at home with my babies (that I have grown in my body), making beautiful healthy meals and maintaining a clean countertop.  Maybe I would have a "job" in this normal life where I blended in with the other employees and felt happy and quiet and went home at the end of the day and left work at work.  Well, I can tell you I know and love many women like this but I don't think its a life that's for me.  I was out with friends having a jolly wine-filled evening, rambling about this when one of them said to me more or less, "You know Kirsta, maybe you aren't a normal person. You don't seem like one to me, and that's ok."  MIND BLOWN.

Instead of this "normal" life, I have pushed and kicked and climbed my way to something much bigger than myself.  I own a store where I get to play with clothes and meet amazing women who maybe like me are a little weird too.  OMG AND DID YOU KNOW I MAKE A LIVING OFF OF IT TOO????  I didn't know I was allowed.  I don't think I was ever a very excellent employee anyway.

So, I'm going to talk about all the things I've learned/am learning, what we are up to as a family, and what it all means.  I'm back in this space and I'm going to write more because it feels good and necessary.  It may be a little irreverent from time to time. Hopefully I will help a few others feel less alone along the way.